I'm still on my upbeat high. Loving every minute of it. Getting closer to moving day and I'm actually enjoying packing this time around. Thinking of having a fresh start in both mind, body and home is invigorating.

I'm on track to make all the positive changes I need in life. I'll be on the road to finishing my degree; moving into a new (for me) house; regularly killing myself at the gym with a personal trainer; and hopefully getting a new(er) car and dumping my ole reliable Hyundai, aka the Purple Pussy. Purging heart and home of negative things and people, useless junk and bad memories.

All that optimism is just sickening isn't it? But I feel good. DAMNED good.

It hasn't been all good though. The kids have both been sick and so have I. Their father still behaves like a giant asshole and my mother... *sigh* There are just no words to describe that situation. My parents lives depresses and oppresses me and causes constant worry. But that's another post entirely and I'm trying to keep this one upbeat. Looking through my archives I've very few upbeat posts unless I'm talking about the children.

And speaking of the girls, we've been having a fabulous time. We've been visiting fun places and I've been more spontaneous with them than I have been in a long time. I find that I yell less (a little bit) and I laugh more now. Occasionally I see them cast furtive glances at one another, usually when they've done something that they think I'll blow up over and it makes me sad. Makes me realize how hard I have been on them whilst going through that PPD period. I'm working hard to reverse those feelings of insecurity in them.

I took the girls and my dad to see the new house this past weekend. All three of them fell in love with the house and seeing it and walking through it a second time made me feel a bit of fondness for it too. The house isn't really all that bad and with a bit of interior decorating it has a ton of potential. And the backyard... oh God, the girls cried when it was time to go. It was freezing cold that day and all they wanted to do was go and explore that backyard. They went into every corner, under the deck, into the storage shed and found tons of little "treasures": a pile of broken shale, a tiny orange (plastic) cat, a baseball, dandilions and more. Jaalyn pointed out and decreed that a garden will go here, her still unpurchased swing set will go here, a tent will be erected here, etc.

I think I've done a good thing...
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On another note, I've begun to notice how little my friends really know about me. I was actually told by one of my friends over the holidays that I was extremely difficult to shop for when it came to gift giving. That statement totally threw me. Me? Difficult to please? I get excited if I receive an old magazine or hand-me-down book and I'm difficult to please? The smallest things bring me joy, even in my previous depressed state. Anyway, my point is, I'm beginning to realize how little people know about me and how little I disclose when it comes to, well, me. Most of my friends are men and admittedly most talk, even friendly banter is sexual. Beyond that, they don't have a clue as to who I really am.

So here are a few things you never knew about me (and for all I know you probably never cared to know...):

1. I am a fantastic cook when I "feel like it". I cook in a traditional Southern, country girl fashion but I can also do a lot of multicultural dishes too.

2. I hate movies, period. I feel like 2+ hours of my life is completely wasted. I will on occasion watch them but never, ever a romance or drama and almost never in a theater. I actually own a ton of DVDs for movies that I thought I'd like and I have not watched a single one.

3. Despite my dislike for movies, I have a deep rooted love for stand-up comedy and at one point in my life I'd considered giving that a try as an alternative career.

4. I love to read but few people know what genres hold my interest.

5. Music moves me in a way that nothing else can. I have to be very careful to the types of music I listen to and when. I dunno, it's like the sounds completely consume me to the point that I will be completely unaware of my surroundings. And I can listen to almost anything from R&B to acid rock or Gregorian chants (which is lovely by the way), but I cannot stand country music. Something about that twanging in my ear that is like pouring vinegar in a wound.

More revelations another day, my work day is done and I've a ton of shit to get done.