Thank you Christ the Christmas holidays are over. I stopped pretending long ago to enjoy the holiday season. I absolutely detest them now. I keep up a front for the kids and that's about it. This year was no exception, it sucked hot sweaty donkey balls.

Anyway, I've been trying to rejuevenate my sagging spirits by listening to music**. Which worked wonderfully until I picked up Beyonce's latest cd. Now I stan for B; I loved her music since her Destiny's Child days, faithfully bought every album, and dutifully spawned two little stans for her... well not for her but you get the idea. But when I listened, I mean really listened to If I Were A Boy it made me sad. (You can peep the lyrics here) Sad that the song wasn't as strong as it could've been; sad that I knew what she meant; sad that dammit I DON'T HAVE A MAN and this was just a reminder that most guys are still steaming sacks of shit (not that I'm bitter.. heh).

I've always been perfectly happy with my little girls. Whenever the usual comment comes that I should try for a boy my response is that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy and I'd probably be so hard on him I'd make him gay. But in reality, if I had a boy I would treat him the same as I do my girls - I'd raise him to be a strong individual and I wouldn't want him to be anything like the rotten rascals I've encountered. I wouldn't want him to repeat my mistakes and I'd want him to be respectful and cherish women.

So after listening to If I Were A Boy, I figured I'd rewrite it to reflect how I'd feel if I had a boy...

If I had a boy,