Been out of the loop the past several days. I hate to admit it but I do believe postpartum depression (PPD) has hit me hard. These days it takes everything in me to get out of bed, shower and paste a smile on my face. It’s not like I’m spending the entire day weeping though. It’s not all bad, all the time. There are many bright moments; I just wish I could fully appreciate them without this cloud of discontent hanging over me. Hoping that within the next week I’ll pull out of this funk, if not… I’m woman enough to ask the doctor for help.

So instead of writing about how cruddy I’ve been feeling I’m taking the easy way out and listing the good, bad and the ugly in the most positive way that I can.

1. Good: Last weekend Trinity began smiling the wide open mouth, “check out my gums” smiles.
Better: This past weekend she’s started to softly coo at inanimate objects and that sound alone is enough to brighten even the darkest day.
Ugly: Once she realizes that the mobile, rattles and stuffed animals aren’t exactly providing the riveting conversation that she desires she launches into an ear splitting rage filled tirade. But even this brings a smile to my face; she’s got my temper 100%.

2. Good: The cat isn’t throwing up as many hairballs this week.
Bad: Note the phrase “as many”, meaning she’s still doing it.
Ugly: She tossed her cookies on the foot of Jaalyn’s bed.

(Anyone want a free vomiting feline? Eh? No takers? Damn)

3. Good: Jaalyn’s attitude has greatly improved from the “let me show my anger by punching small preschoolers in the throat” thing that she had going on.
Better: I’m having a bit more success with patience when dealing with her antics.
Ugly: The primary reason I’m more successful is because I’ve been utilizing a very efficient babysitter.
Real ugly: The baby sitter is about 54” wide, 60” tall and plays SpongeBob, Jimmy Neutron, and Fairly Oddparents at the touch of a button, any time, day or night.

Don’t make that face, I feel guilty enough as it is about doing it. But I swear having her underfoot, reciting line after line of her favorite cartoons and/or movies, destroying my living room or her room and talking non fucking stop is driving me crazy. Using the tv as a temporary babysitter is wrong, wrong, wrong - but it’s so much better than me yelling at her unnecessarily because I’m overtired and depressed.

4. Good: Baby Daddy (BD) and I are getting along better and are back to our typical co-parenting team.
Better: BD now totally appreciates and sympathizes with me in regards to being a single parent to the girls. It completely wore him out to try and play superdad this weekend and more than once I had to rescue my baby from him when she’d screamed herself hoarse (no I’m not joking about this) because he simply couldn’t figure out how to calm her. Made him feel like shit when as soon as I’d taken her from his arms she quieted immediately and gave a weak little cry like thank God you came and got me.
Just Downright Friggin' Hilarious: BD, in an attempt at romanticism, misguided optimism or something, bought a 3 pack of latex free condoms from the drugstore and laid them on my dresser.

Wanna take a guess as to where they are now?

If you guessed placed far back in my underwear drawer you win the prize.

P.S. Thanks Peaches for checking up on me to see if I was okay. That meant a lot to me.



Methinks perhaps Mommy should begin doing her hair and maybe a little makeup before getting up close and personal otherwise instead of the lovely smiles she's becoming accustomed to receiving she'll get stares of incredulity instead.