Ugh.

Head... hurts... thinking too much.

I'm fighting hormones and postpartum blues by brainstorming. Forgive me this day's rambling session. I look around me, at my daughters, my townhouse, the fucking cat that decorates my floors with disgusting mucky hairballs... and the realization hits me that I want more. Not just for me but for the girls as well. I feel unspeakably cramped in this place. It's un-fucking-believable how much crap I've acquired in recent years. When I moved out completely on my own - sans a boyfriend/baby daddy and with my 9 month old baby - I literally only had a crib, one fork, spoon and knife and a box of canned goods I'd gleaned from my parents pantry on the sly and a lamp. I think I maybe had a towel and washcloth and a bar of soap and that was it. I slept on my carpeted floor, no pillow, no blanket. I had no pots, pans or dishes. Nothing. But I was happy as fuck to escape the misery of living in my parents house. I could deal with the inconvenience of having a stiff neck from sleeping on the floor if it meant not living with those lunatics.

Anyway, my point is that in the 5 years since that time I've accumulated massive piles of pure JUNK. Some stuff I've managed to sell on Ebay, some I've thrown away, but it's like the crap leftover is secretly humping in a corner and procreating overnight because no matter how much I get rid of the stuff keeps piling up around me.

But my point is that I'm SO ready to move out of this neighborhood. But it's just not in the budget right now. And that's another thing that's been on my mind too: expanding my slightly tight budget. I'm not hurting for money, but just like everyone else I wouldn't turn more of it down. So I've been brainstorming different ideas to take me from Target rags to Saks riches. I've got plans in place for one part time gig; thinking on starting up an online business or two as well to bring in some extra income. I could go back to selling stuff on ebay, but the only downside to that is that all the crap I'm trying to get rid of will still be in my house until it gets sold and shipped. I'd have a yard sale but I, uh, you know... don't have a yard. More like a pine needle covered patch of dirt the complex passes off as a yard, but regardless, yard sales are against leaseholder policies so that's out. Can't use the folks' yard either because they live at the end of a cul-de-sac in the middle of nowhere in the county. I'm actually thinking of leasing a table at an open air flea market and trying to rid myself of stuff that way. But therein lies another issue of how to transport my junk to another location. The Hyundai can barely hold two carseats and a diaperbag let alone a household of crap to unload on unsuspecting buyers.

sigh...

You ever notice how complicated it is to simplify something? At least I have inspiration to instigate change.