Grinch

I. Hate. Holidays.

I detest the time between October 31 and December 26 with a passion. For some reason everything that can go wrong in that short time period inevitably does go wrong. I hate it. I've had the absolute worst weeks since my last post. Allow me to summarize the weeks of fuckdom for your review:

The week after Thanksgiving

1. major financial crisis that could've had dire consequences (i.e. homelessness)
2. the baby gets better, Jaalyn and I get sick

Not so bad eh? I found a (distasteful) solution to number 1 and number 2 eventually resolved itself. On to the week after that:

1. another major financial crisis (read: you may not be homeless but you'll soon be sitting in the dark because your utility bill is an entire 2 days (!) past due and since we assume you're saving our payment for gift buying we're going to threaten you relentlessly through automated phone calls day and night at home and work until we receive some cash. To Virginia Dominion Power company my holiday message to you would be FUCK YOU and I hope you all catch a vile oozing disease in your lower extremities for being such pricks.

2. my former lover Comcast bent me over and fucked my ass royally and somehow made my monthly bill go from a-not-really-affordable $150 to a jaw dropping $400 in less than 30 days. They, too, I hate. As a holiday gift to you I give a tube of the best K-Y Jelly around. Grease me up next time you screw me, you rotten bastards.

3. the week ends with a psycho bitch at my baby's daycare blocking my car with her SUV, screaming at me for being a selfish, rotten parent and calling the cops on me. My offense? Having Trinity in the front seat of the car, instead of the back as she preferred and she mistakenly thinks the law requires. Despite being wrong as Mike Tyson and LL Cool J becoming cross-dressing butt bangers, the incompetent feeble minded cops that answered both her and my calls did not tell her that what she was doing and that her interpretation of the law was WRONG. Seeing as she thinks she did such a great service, should it come as a surprise that she's been stalking me since then? Waiting in her vehicle on street corners, parking the wrong way on one way streets and lying in what's probably hand wringing angst to pounce on me again? I'm not even Jewish and I'm heaving a big Oy vey.

And let's finish up with this week where:

1. psycho crazy bitch woman continues stalking me and is REALLY beginning to scare me.
2. my beloved Comcast DVR that I haven't even had for 30 days, for lack of a better phrase, BLOWS THE FUCK UP. 5 calls to Comcast later the DVR is pronounced as dead as K-Fed's career and oh by the way did you know that despite the $200 you gave us on the 30th of November you're $201 past due?
3. another potentially gonna-be-homeless-real-soon crisis slams me the same day I get nasty-grams from my daughter's school saying I bounced a check way back in October (which is odd because I almost never write checks) and that subsequently they refuse to take any checks from me from now until forever so that means that not only will you pay $80 for a $30 check but you are also a month past due for tuition because we don't want to use the automatic draft you set up at the beginning of the school year.

FUCK ME.

Is there anyone else that wants to jump on the Fuck Me Express? We're currently booked solid but I'm sure we can squeeze in a few more Fuckers here and there. Squirt on some lube and we'll slide you right on in.

Bastards. I'm so pissed off and dejected that I don't even want to write anymore. That's what took me so long to post to begin with. So furious and irritated that I couldn't even think straight. I mean I know everything happens for a reason, every little setback only makes you stronger but I mean damn... can a chick get a break?