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12.30.2006

The year in review

Wow. The year is over. Unfuckingbelievable. Seems like yesterday I was waddling around work big as a hippo with baby in belly worrying ceaselessly about her health. Now she's soundly asleep in my bed and I'm still worrying about her health (only in the annoying neurotic way that only mothers do, like "Are those really fatrolls in her arms or is it a oddly formed growth that ohmigod could be cancerous and have to be removed and stuff?") (and yes I really did have crazy thoughts like that). The beginning of the year I was a mother of one; year end and I'm mommy times two. From January till now I can look back and see how much we've grown as a family and how I've grown as a person. I hope in the next year I can greater develop myself and become more secure in my role as mom to both my girls.

And now the year in review.

It seems like forever since I wrote this on Blackplanet. And after making the decision to have another baby, I rang in the New Year alternately hugging the toilet, hugging my daughter and snoring my newly clogged sinus head off whilst lying on the approved "best for the fetus" left side.

The Randomness...

Yeah, I know I haven't posted in a while but while a lot has been going on, I simply haven't been in the mood to write. I do plan to post again before the new year though but in the meantime, random thoughts in my mind:

  1. Holy Shit, they killed Saddam...
  2. Did you hear the angels singing last Saturday? That's because Comcast finally fixed my damned DVR once and for all. They're still rotten bastards though...
  3. Christmas, thank heavens, is done. The kids had a great time, got tons of shit that I have zero storage space for. But they are happy and that's all that matters. And for once, I did not have to throw anyone out this holiday season, unlike last year when I booted my mother out into the cold, cold rain.
  4. Men, in a nutshell, aren't worth a damn. I mean really. I can think of two off the top of my head that defy my general classification, one residing in Conneticut and the other here in Richmond... the rest deserve the fate of Saddam or at the very least they ought go work for Comcast. Then they'd get paid to fuck people over on a professional level.
  5. Oh James... why? Even in death you were upstaged. We're losing all of our greatest artists with each passing year to health issues. So sad.
  6. But then again, thanks to President Ford, I don't have to go back to work until Wednesday... good ole President Ford. Such a nice man... didn't know him and I was just a thought in my old man's nutsack when he was in office but I sure do appreciate Ford now.

And that's about it folks. Will post again tomorrow sometime or perhaps later tonight. Got plans for tomorrow.

12.22.2006

You know I've noticed a few things about myself in the past several days since Jaalyn's been on Christmas break. I've noticed Jaalyn and I get along much better; we don't argue as much, I don't yell. I've patience enough to explain the intricacies of the cycle of life and it's like I'm discovering her all over again and loving her more than ever. And it's all because I haven't been stressed in the mornings or evenings. I don't have to worry about packing morning snacks, lunches and afternoon snacks each day on top of bottle making for the baby among other daily tasks. I don't have to worry about fitting a couple of homework worksheets into our already packed evening. I didn't have to rush, rush, rush/hurry up/what on God's green earth is taking you so long? in the mornings. I haven't been stressed. Not at all.

Fast forward to this evening when I snapped at her and it felt like a knife in the heart when she looked at me and I could see the hurt in her eyes. But... I'm feeling tense. Things aren't going according to plan this evening and it's kinda snowballing from that point. And I'm not super uptight, or feeling down. Just irritated at my mother for detaining me from what I need to do. And I hate that I end up taking my stress out on the kids.

12.16.2006

Breathe deeply...

Another week gone by, but not nearly as hectic or stressful as weeks prior. The financial issues, for now, have been resolved. It took me swallowing my pride and asking for help but the bills and rent are paid.

That pride thing is a big issue with me. As a child I may not have had the security of a "loving" home atmosphere but my father made sure that I was well taken care of. I had toys galore, a private education and until my teenage years I lacked nothing. Yet, despite the constant flow of materialistic matter coupled with the fact that I had no siblings, I was never considered to be a spoiled child. To the contrary, as I grew older I began to loathe it because people naturally assumed I was spoiled rotten. I didn't ask for all the things I had, my dad just bought them. Ironically enough, the things I wanted and did ask for I didn't get. I tease him to this day about that. But for whatever reason people naturally assumed then and now that all I had to do was ask and daddy would provide. That irritates the crap out of me. And whenever I got into a jam of any sort, people figure I go running to mommy and daddy and they would bail me out. For that reason alone

12.09.2006

Grinch

I. Hate. Holidays.

I detest the time between October 31 and December 26 with a passion. For some reason everything that can go wrong in that short time period inevitably does go wrong. I hate it. I've had the absolute worst weeks since my last post. Allow me to summarize the weeks of fuckdom for your review:

The week after Thanksgiving

1. major financial crisis that could've had dire consequences (i.e. homelessness)
2. the baby gets better, Jaalyn and I get sick

Not so bad eh? I found a (distasteful) solution to number 1 and number 2 eventually resolved itself. On to the week after that:

1. another major financial crisis (read: you may not be homeless but you'll soon be sitting in the dark because your utility bill is an entire 2 days (!) past due and since we assume you're saving our payment for gift buying we're going to threaten you relentlessly through automated phone calls day and night at home and work until we receive some cash. To Virginia Dominion Power company my holiday message to you would be FUCK YOU and I hope you all catch a vile oozing disease in your lower extremities for being such pricks.

2. my former lover Comcast bent me over and fucked my ass royally and somehow made my monthly bill go from a-not-really-affordable $150 to a jaw dropping $400 in less than 30 days. They, too, I hate. As a holiday gift to you I give a tube of the best K-Y Jelly around. Grease me up next time you screw me, you rotten bastards.

3. the week ends with a psycho bitch at my baby's daycare blocking my car with her SUV, screaming at me for being a selfish, rotten parent and calling the cops on me. My offense? Having Trinity in the front seat of the car, instead of the back as she preferred and she mistakenly thinks the law requires. Despite being wrong as Mike Tyson and LL Cool J becoming cross-dressing butt bangers, the incompetent feeble minded cops that answered both her and my calls did not tell her that what she was doing and that her interpretation of the law was WRONG. Seeing as she thinks she did such a great service, should it come as a surprise that she's been stalking me since then? Waiting in her vehicle on street corners, parking the wrong way on one way streets and lying in what's probably hand wringing angst to pounce on me again? I'm not even Jewish and I'm heaving a big Oy vey.

And let's finish up with this week where:

1. psycho crazy bitch woman continues stalking me and is REALLY beginning to scare me.
2. my beloved Comcast DVR that I haven't even had for 30 days, for lack of a better phrase, BLOWS THE FUCK UP. 5 calls to Comcast later the DVR is pronounced as dead as K-Fed's career and oh by the way did you know that despite the $200 you gave us on the 30th of November you're $201 past due?
3. another potentially gonna-be-homeless-real-soon crisis slams me the same day I get nasty-grams from my daughter's school saying I bounced a check way back in October (which is odd because I almost never write checks) and that subsequently they refuse to take any checks from me from now until forever so that means that not only will you pay $80 for a $30 check but you are also a month past due for tuition because we don't want to use the automatic draft you set up at the beginning of the school year.

FUCK ME.

Is there anyone else that wants to jump on the Fuck Me Express? We're currently booked solid but I'm sure we can squeeze in a few more Fuckers here and there. Squirt on some lube and we'll slide you right on in.

Bastards. I'm so pissed off and dejected that I don't even want to write anymore. That's what took me so long to post to begin with. So furious and irritated that I couldn't even think straight. I mean I know everything happens for a reason, every little setback only makes you stronger but I mean damn... can a chick get a break?

12.04.2006

2007: The Year I Keep My Resolutions

Or not.