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4.16.2010

Peace Passes...

So... it's been a long week.

Also, a not-that-great-week... very suckish indeed.

A whole host of shit happened this past weekend. I've rediscovered that too much contact with my parents makes me a very grumpy girl.

On Saturday I blew a tire and was stranded on I-95. No one I knew would answer their phones. Despite it being a weekend, despite me being on a major, crowded highway, not one person came to my rescue, not one state trooper, police car, motorist assistance ever came. My mom ended up coming to get me. Drama ensued.

My father moved back in this week and began picking the children up from school once more. As a result he's back to his old self again doing the things he would normally do; and as a result of that my children are spoiled fucking brats.

I'm their mama, I can say that.

They've pushed me over the edge with their whining, laziness and overall triflingness. All of those bad behaviors disappeared when my dad was gone. Everyone was happier, relaxed, eating healthier. Dad came back and now all they do is whine and eat, whine and fight, whine and eat some more. I am no longer the ruler of my abode. All peace is gone. I hate coming home. I cannot sleep, don't want to eat. Stressed out once more.

Oh and then there was that pesky thing about the Pennsylvania interviews... which I did do. So now the waiting begins.

Despite it all, despite my bitchiness, despondency, and so on I did get to participate in an activity that gave me peace, even though it lasted barely 10 minutes.

I sky watched.

When I was a kid and my parents would start arguing, fighting and carrying on, if I didn't hide in the closet I'd run outside to my favorite tree in the front yard. I'd lay on my back and stare at the sky and let everything else in the world just fade away. The cool, moist earth beneath me, the expanse of the heavens above me.

Some people see shapes in the clouds. I see faces. I see profiles. I see abstract art.

This evening when things got to be too much for me, I took a chair out to the deck along with my mp3 player, slouched down and stared at the sky. There weren't many clouds, thin whispy one that were very scarce. But they were there and staring up at them and feeling the warm spring breeze on my face and arms gave me comfort. The breeze was sweet with the scent of cut grass, wild onions and flowers. A bee buzzed past me but didn't bother me.

For almost 10 minutes I found peace in the same manner I did as a child.

And then I had to come in the house and break up a fight, clean up cat vomit that my 9 year old child stepped in while wearing my shoes (of course) and clean up more vomit from my 3 year old who coughed till she threw up.

Fun times.

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