Disrespectfully...

At what point do you just stop caring, throw up your hands and walk away from a situation in disgust?

Jesus H. Christ... honestly, I am sick to death of bitching and complaining about life. Probably as sick of saying it as you all are of reading about it.

But, DAMN. Can not one fucking person on this planet respect my decisions? What the hell do I have to do to maintain peace and control in my life? I thought I was doing good. I got rid of my antagonists. I thought I was rid of the people that stressed me. I cut my mom from my life. I shipped my dad back to his own home. I moved nearly an hour away from my children's father.

It is not enough.

My mom visited me at work and we got into a lovely screaming match in the parking lot.

Today she dropped by unannounced, when I've pointedly asked her not to. I hate the fact that people will do that to me. Uninvited guests are my worst peeve and oddly enough I got that shit from my parents. They also hate uninvited guests. I wouldn't have opened the fucking door had my kids not been all up in the damned windows looking back at her. It didn't matter that I had shit to do. Doesn't matter that I have my final today, that I needed to briefly go out and get a few necessities. That the house wasn't straight. That I specifically asked her NOT TO COME.

The children's father... I... I just can't go there.

Jaalyn called my dad and asked him to come back at least for the week that she and her sister are out on spring break. So although he's gone, he'll still be back.

I just can't win.

No one respects my decisions. No one respects me as a person. No one respects me as a parent.

I would do anything in the world for some peace of mind. Peace in my heart. I'd love for people to actually respect what I say and do. I'd love to be permanently separated from those that seek to dismantle my esteem and want nothing more than to see me fail.

Maybe one day I'll do it. Maybe one day I'll achieve the respect I want.

Goddamn it. I'm so tired of being miserable.