Seasons of Change...

I love where I live. Not the neighborhood necessarily, but I love living in Virginia. I’ve rarely been out of the state but for me, nothing is as beautiful as my home state, regardless of the season.


I’m not one of those people that has a preference for the seasons. I don’t particularly favor one season over another. Rather, I embrace each season as it comes and consider them all to be favorites. I love the summer, mainly because I was born in August but also because I love the sweltering, humid heat and the deafening late evening/late night thunderstorms. I love those drenching rainstorms that appear out of nowhere and just as soon as they appear, they are gone, leaving the earth drenched and steam rising from pavements and asphalt covered streets.

I love the coolness of fall and the Indian summers that sneak in there every year. The changing leaves enthrall me and leave me wondering at the outstanding beauty of so many tree lined streets. I love the crunching leaves beneath my feet and kicking the dry sticker balls that fall from the sweet gum trees. The scent of wood fires drifts in the rural air and the anticipation of the upcoming holidays trills through children and adults alike. Will it be too cold for princess costumes on Halloween? How many layers to wear for my alma mater homecoming football game? Thanksgiving’s coming, will it rain just like it always seems to do?

Winter brings its own special joy. The myriads of annoying-as-fuck insects are dead or dying. Temperatures drop to bitterly cold numbers. Just inhaling the air slices your lungs into ribbons, yet is still so intoxicating. There’s the fun of watching the old folk predict how harsh a winter we’ll get and whether or not snow will come. Usually we get no snow but this past winter we were surprised… often… eventually too often. And for some odd reason we always manage to get temperature spikes as high the mid-80s right in the middle of winter. It’s the weirdest thing I swear. There’s nothing more unusual to be taking a hike in the dead of winter and come across the odd snake or two because the heat has them (and you) confused as hell.

Spring is here now. The air is perfect for long evening walks and outdoor fun. Soon my worst nightmare will come true, just as it does every spring: the fucking caterpillars will appear. *shiver* I LOVE butterflies but I hate the stages that create them. Birds are singing singing everywhere… and shitting shitting everywhere… Fun fact: I have exactly one tree in my front yard, beside the driveway. I am beginning to think the birds either hate me or there’s a target painted on top of my van because whether I park directly beneath the tree or no where fucking near that bitch the birds drop bombs like no tomorrow.

Anyway, gnats are flying about getting into noses and eyes and buzzing around ears. Mosquitoes are breeding in the damp soil leftover from way too much unexpected snow during winter. Trees are just beginning to bud and blossom. The few that have flowered are outstandingly beautiful. Rivers, creeks and swamps are swollen from one of the wettest calendar years on record. Everything seems to be thriving. The kids are looking forward to the warmer weather and more outings on weekends to local farms, zoos and shelters. To them there’s nothing better than nuzzling your nose into a small furry kitten or being kissed by warm puppy breath. Nothing makes you feel better than to swing as high as you can, so high, but not too high, leaning back and feeling the sinking and swaying deep down in the pit of your stomach. Nothing compares to wrestling in the grass, picking flowers and studying countless pieces of gravel for mineral deposits. Dipping toes into still cold water in the creekbed and examining rocks for smoothness in the wet sands therein.

There’s something to love in every season. I look forward to the changes and surprises. As spring blossoms, so does my life and expectations. I hit a real low point the other week. So low that I wasn’t sure I could go on… wasn’t really even sure if I wanted to go on. But I fought my way through it and I won. I got words of advice from a priest, prayers and blessings, burned some sage and smudged.

I can’t get that low again. I have to be able to change with the tide, with the seasons. It’s time for a rebirth and spring cleaning.

I’m cleaning house y’all…

I’m taking control of my life and making serious changes.

And the first thing I did… was cut off my mom…

The second thing I did was boot out my dad…

I had to recognize my limitations. Simply put, I was doing too much, for too many, too frequently. That shit had to stop. I lost focus. I lost ME. I nearly lost my mind and with it, my life.

I repeat, that shit had to stop.

Time for change and refocusing on what’s most important: me and my girls.

I won’t be distracted or deterred.

I, quite simply, can’t afford it.