MamaRage

My child's father drove across town with my oldest child in the backseat. Nothing extraordinary about that statement except this:

He was drunk.

You got it. Drunk. He drove after having way more than a few too many while visiting my father. I don't know who to be pissed at more; him for being drunk and then driving; my dad for getting him drunk and allowing him to drive; or me for being in a bitchy mood, wanting Jaalyn out of my hair and allowing her to go with her dad on his visit to my dad's house knowing that normally they crack open a bottle of homemade wine and shoot the breeze... except that I suppose I gave baby daddy too much credit because I naturally assumed he wouldn't imbibe since he had his GODDAMNED DAUGHTER IN THE FUCKING CAR WITH HIM.

*ahem*

Sorry, lost the calmness for a moment.

I should've guessed what was going on. I should've seen the signs from the umpteen times he called me to say that "everything's just fine" while he was seated in my parents kitchen. I should've known from his slightly slurred speech. I should've known when I asked him how many have you had and he hesitated before answering "...two. But I won't be having anymore because, you know, got the kid and all..."

But I definitely knew when he came in the door practically in tears because he dropped Jaalyn's milkshake on the ground by accident. I knew when he got really angry with me for pointing out that he was more upset than she. I knew when he placed the plate of food my dad packed for me upside down on the countertop. I knew when he told Jaalyn ten times that he loved her and would talk to her tomorrow. I knew when he followed her into the bathroom to say goodbye (forgetting about the 10 times prior) and despite Jaalyn's emphatic "Um, excuse me daddy I need to get some toilet paper" he insisted on hugging her to death and repeated his outpouring of love for her. I knew when he attempted three times to unlock the already unlocked front door so he could go outside. And I knew from the way he avoided coming anywhere near me, knowing I would smell the alcohol on him and once I overcame my shock I'd punch him full in the face.

Just wait til I see him next.