A Single Mom Confession

Well I got my DVR and I love it. Still trying to figure it out (would probably help intensely if I actually found the directions and read them) but all in all it's great. I've only missed one show so far that it didn't record and I think that's because I started viewing the tail end of the program or because I was watching Most Haunted on OnDemand or... hell I don't know. All in all I love it.

But I am very bummed out because I think my camera is broken and I can't figure out what’s wrong with it. All I get is a blank white screen on the LCD. I’ve changed the batteries, checked the memory card (the pictures I had on it downloaded just fine), checked to make sure all the compartments are closed, punched buttons and pressed things and although it makes all the right noises, the LCD screen stays oddly white.

And, not 5 minutes after writing that baby daddy has fixed it. He did the exact same thing, removing the batteries, memory card and so forth and damned if it’s not working again. I’m happy but annoyed. He said I should have patience; I say you did the exact damned thing I did wtf does that have to do with patience? Anyway, we’re both baffled as to why it’s working again and why it suddenly went on the fritz. But hey, this could be a reason for me to invest in the camera that I really want. Eh?


‘ (that little mark is Trinity’s first blog. She’s fascinated with the keys on the keyboard and managed to hold her coordination together long enough to hit a single key… then she screamed in frustration because she couldn’t hit any more.)

And since this is the Confessions of the Single Supermom blog, allow me to make a confession. The other day I voiced my disdain of marriage. I do truly feel that way. But… at the same token I have been giving thought to (God I canNOT believe I am about to admit this…) marriage to baby daddy.

Yeah. Let that one sink in slowly.

Now let’s get this straight, I’m not thinking of marrying him for the um, traditional reasons. Not for love. It’s not that I don’t have a love for him. I’m not in love with him but I don’t hate him anymore for the past. We’re good friends, probably the best of friends and at one point we were about to walk down the aisle (till the what-the-hell-am-I-doing-he-treats-me-like-shit thing hit me). So, it’s not like I’ve never thought of him in that husbandly light before. But before I wanted him to be a “true” husband, the head of the household, the decision maker, the bill payer. I know now that he will never be all the things I want him to be. He will never be that perfect father, let alone perfect husband. He will almost always give in to what I want or say. I know I will always have the upper hand in the relationship. Since I have a dominating personality I guess a relationship like that will work.

Let me back up a bit to when baby daddy and I first were together, before he was my baby daddy. When we embarked upon our relationship we’d both come from, um, a promiscuous past. I’ll admit it, I dogged men. Even when I was young, because of the guys had treated me, I had an extremely low opinion of men. I guess I always have. I was so angry at men for hurting me so bad that I treated most of them like Kleenex: use them once and toss them away. By the time I’d gotten with baby daddy my conscious kicked in and I had decided that from that point on I’d be the good girl. The woman depicted in Proverbs, the submissive, homemaker girlfriend/wife. And for the duration of our relationship I was that woman. But now… oh hell no. I’m not that way at all. I’m bossy, I’m bitchy, I’m opinionated. I still make the home but I can do it alone with no problem. But I look at my girls and I look at him and his ineptitude… sigh. When we were together I mothered him to a certain extent. His own mother had passed a year prior to us meeting and in a way I took her place. What can I say, I’m a natural mom I guess. Anyway, I look at him now and… he could be so much better IF he had someone to guide him in the right direction. Joining forces WE could do so much better. Especially financially.

Would I be happy? Continuously? Probably not. But the kids would be happy I guess and that’s what matters most. Would I be 100% faithful as I had the first time? I’d give it a shot but since he doesn’t satisfy me sexually I can’t say for sure. But hey, I guess sex is one of those things you can practice until you get it right, eh?

All the wrong reasons for taking that leap into a commitment where only the cold clammy hand of death or a helluva lot of cash can separate you. I know. That’s why I’m confessing it here. This blog, my hidden outspoken audience, you my dears are my sounding board.

A very opinionated sounding board.